The rabbi and the bear
Rabbi Bloom from London is visiting two friends in America. One is a priest and the other a Pentecostal preacher. As soon as they meet up, they start to talk shop. Their discussion centers on whether talking to people about God is really that hard. They quickly agree that a real challenge would be to preach to a bear and they decide to experiment. Each would go into the woods, find a bear and be spiritual with it.
A week later, they’re all together to discuss the experience. Father Carroll, who has his arm in a sling and is on crutches, speaks first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods, found a bear and began to read to him from the Baltimore Catechism. Unfortunately, the bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me about. I quickly grabbed my holy water and, the saints be praised, he became very subdued. My bishop is coming out next week to give him his first communion and confirmation.”
Rev. Billy speaks next. He is in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts. “Well, brothers, you know that we don’t sprinkle — we dunk. I found a bear and began to read to him from God’s Holy Word. But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him and we began to wrestle. Up and down the hills we wrestled until we come to a creek where I quickly dunked and baptized him. He immediately became very subdued and we spent three days in fellowship, praising God’s Holy Word.”
They both then look down at Rabbi Bloom, who is lying in a hospital bed, is wearing a full body cast, is in traction and has IVs and monitors running in and out of his torn body. Rabbi Bloom looks up at his two friends and says, “When I found a bear, I found preaching to him very easy. But oy vey, did he get touchy about the circumcision!”
Light and darkness
God is talking to one of his angels. He says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?”
The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”
God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”
Don’t be impatient
Arnold and Isaac were residents in a senior home. Even though they were best of friends, they were still prone to argue with each other.
One day, they were queuing up in the cafeteria for lunch. Because Arnold was taking his time, Isaac said to him, “Hey you! Hurry up already before I punch you in the teeth.”
Arnold turned round, looked at Isaac and says, “OK. Go ahead. Make my day! My teeth are upstairs in the glass by my bed.”
These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.