Jokes

Good choice

Sadie was making some blintzes as a treat for her two young sons, Simon and Harry. But the boys began to argue as to who should get the first blintz she made.

“Shame on you boys,” said Sadie. “If the wise King Solomon were here today, he would say, ‘Let my brother have the first blintz.'”

Harry looked at Simon and said, “OK Simon, you be King Solomon today.”

The cure?

Moishe goes to see his doctor and says, “You must help me, doctor. Sylvie isn’t interested in sex anymore. Do you have something I can give her?”

“I’m not really allowed to prescribe …” the doctor starts, but is interrupted.

“Doctor, can we talk off the record, please? In all the years we’ve known each other, have you ever seen me like this? I’m desperate. I can’t concentrate, my business is failing and I’m going to pieces. I beg of you — please help me.”

The doctor takes a bottle of pills from his cabinet and says, “I really shouldn’t do this. These pills are still experimental and the results so far indicate that they’re very powerful. So please don’t give Sylvie any more than one at a time. I suggest you put it in her coffee. Do you understand, Moishe?”

“Yes. Thank you, doctor.”

Later that evening, after dinner, when Sylvie goes into the kitchen to fetch dessert, Moishe drops one pill into Sadie’s coffee, hesitates, and then drops in a second pill.

But Moishe couldn’t forget the doctor saying they were powerful. What should he do? In a flash of inspiration, he also drops a pill into his coffee.

Sadie returns with the lochshen pudding, which they both enjoy with their coffee. Five minutes after they finish, Sylvie takes a deep breath, sighs and starts to shake.

A strange look comes over her and in a sexy tone of voice she says, “Oy vey, Moishe, do I need a man right now.”

Moishe’s hands are now trembling as he replies, “Me too.”

The interview

Yossi was the manager of an upscale menswear store in San Francisco and was interviewing Abe for the recently advertised salesman role.

Yossi looks at Abe’s resume and notices that Abe has never worked in retail before. So Yossi says, “What chutzpah, if you don’t mind me saying. For someone with no retail experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary.”

“Well I suppose I am,” Abe replies, “but you must realize that the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Holiday booking

Shlomo and Isaac were talking one day about holidays.

Shlomo says, “I think I am just about ready to book my winter holidays again, but I’m going to do it differently this time. In the past, I have always taken your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Eilat. I went to Eilat and my wife Ruth got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to Bermuda and Ruth got pregnant again. Last year you suggested the Canary Isles and as you know, Ruth got pregnant yet again.”

Isaac asks, “So what are you going to do different this year, Shlomo?”

“This year,” replies Shlomo, “I’m taking Ruth with me.”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.