The request

One day, Sam goes up to his boss and says, rather timidly, “Mr. Gold, is it OK if I take tomorrow off? It’s my golden wedding anniversary.”

“The nerve,” replied Mr. Gold, “Is this what I have to put up with from you every 50 years?”

Insulting stuff?

Bernie and Isaac are having a drink together in a Berkeley wine bar to celebrate Isaac’s recent promotion. They had been drinking for some time when Bernie begins to insult Isaac.

He shouts, “I slept with your mother, Isaac.” There is a hush as everyone listens.

Bernie again shouts at Isaac, “I slept with your mother, Abe.”

Isaac replies, “I know. Go home now, Dad, you’re drunk.”

Married to a millionaire

Joe meets his friend Max in a Santa Rosa delicatessen.

“So Max, how’s your wife, Alexandra?”

“Oy veh,” replies Max, “she’s driving me absolutely crazy. Every night she dreams that she’s married to a millionaire.”

“That’s nothing,” says Joe.” My Vicki dreams she’s married to a millionaire during the day.”

Calculating your age

Sadie was divorcing her husband, Alfred. After two months of waiting, her case was finally being heard in court. The judge asked her, “So how old are you?”

“I’m 40 years old, Your Honor.”

The judge replied, “Please answer my question honestly. How old are you?”

“I’m 40 years old, Your Honor,” she repeated.

“Well,” said the judge, “you’re not being truthful. It’s written down here that you were born in August 1940 and that means you’re over 60.”

“But Your Honor,” replied Sadie, “I’m not counting the last 20 years with my husband.”

“Why not?” asked the judge.

“You call that living?” she replied.

Benefits of TV

Some people believe that regularly watching television does us no good at all because TV is a destroyer of minds.

But not everyone believes this and certainly not Rabbi Cohen. When asked what his views were on the educational role of television, the rabbi replied, “TV can actually play a very important educational role. When someone turns on the TV in my house, I go into my study and read Torah and the commentaries.”

Marriage advice

Daniel tells Howard, “My father is always advising me to find a girl who has the same belief as the family, and then marry her.”

“That advice wouldn’t work for me,” Howard says. “Why would I want to marry a girl who thinks I’m a putz?”

These jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship.