The glasses
While on a road trip, an elderly Jewish couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table. And, she didn’t miss them until after the couple had been driving about 20 minutes.
All the way back to the restaurant, the elderly husband was the classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her, the more agitated he became. He just wouldn’t let up one minute.
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant. And as the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, her husband yelled to her, “While you’re in there, you might as well get my hat and credit card.”
The atheist and the monster
An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.
As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, “Oh, my God! Help me!”
At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, “I thought you didn’t believe in me!”
“God, give me a break!” the man pleaded. “Two minutes ago I didn’t believe in the Loch Ness monster either!”
Brooklyn travel
An out-of-towner driving east in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, pulls up his car next to a local Chassid and asks, “How far is it to Fifth Avenue in Manhattan?”
The Chassid considers it for a moment, then answers “The way you’re going, about 24,000 miles.”
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