Sweaters

Chaim’s mother gave him two sweaters for Chanukah.

The next time he visited, he made sure to wear one.

Instead of kvelling over her good son as he walked in the door, Chaim’s mother wailed, “What’s the matter? You didn’t like the other one?”

‘Eight Nights of Kvetching’

On the first night of Chanukah, my Jewish mother said to me, “You’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the second night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the third night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the fourth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the fifth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “YOU’RE GETTING FAT! Taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the sixth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Don’t you like the doughnuts? YOU’RE GETTING FAT! Taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the seventh night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Take another brownie, don’t you like the doughnuts? YOU’RE GETTING FAT! Taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”

On the eighth night of Chanukah, my mother said to me, “Try my homemade strudel, take another brownie, don’t you like the doughnuts? YOU’RE GETTING FAT! Taste my sugar cookies, here’s your chocolate dreidel, have a few more latkes, but you’d better lose some weight or you’ll be dead.”