Top 10 Jewish movie rentals:
10. “The Rocky Hora Picture Show”
9. “Yenta in a Blue Dress”
8. “Rabbi Scissorhands”
7. “Seven — but for you, 6.50”
6. “Matzah Impossible”
5. “My Cousin Vinnie’s Torah”
4. “Mensch and Menschability”
3. “The Mirror Has Two Faces — but for you, 1 and 3/4”
2. “The Hunchback of Temple Beth Israel”
1. “Prelude to a Bris”
If Bill Gates were Jewish
• Instead of getting a “General Protection Fault” error, your PC would get “Ferklempt.”
• Screen savers would feature “flying dreidels.”
• Your PC would shut down automatically at sundown on Friday evenings.
• After your computer dies, you would dispose of it within 24 hours.
• Your “start” button would be replaced with a “Let’s go! I’m not getting any younger!” button.
• “Abort,” “Retry,” and “Ignore” would be replaced with “Stop it already — You’re killing me!,” “You vant I should try it again?” and “I didn’t hear that!”
• Your multimedia player would be renamed “Nu, so play my music already!”
• Internet Explorer would have a spinning Magen David in the upper-right corner.
• You would hear the tune “Hava Negillah” during startup.
• Microsoft Office would include “A little byte of this, a little byte of that.”
• When running “scandisk”, you will be prompted with a “You vant I should fix this?” message.
• When your PC is working too hard, you would occasionally hear a loud “Oy!”
• A “monitor-cleaning solution” from Manischewitz would advertise that it gets rid of the “shmutz” on your monitor.
• After 20 minutes of no activity, your PC would go “Shloffen.”
• Computer viruses could be cured with chicken soup.