Progressive discussion

Rabbis Levy, Samuel and Kosiner are “progressive” Reform rabbis. One day they were talking about the recent advances made by their synagogues.

Rabbi Levy said, “We’re very modern. We allow mobile phones to be used during services — we even have recharging points all over the synagogue.”

“Well,” said Rabbi Samuel, “we’ve installed a snack bar at the back of the synagogue for those who feel hungry or thirsty during services — we serve falafel in pita and hot salt beef with latkes and new green cucumbers.”

“That’s nothing to what we do, my friends,” said Rabbi Kosiner. “We close our synagogue for the Jewish holidays.”

The wisdom of a king

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. “This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.

“No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.

And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence.

“Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a half.”

“Sounds good to me,” said the first woman.

But the other woman said, “Oh sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman’s daughter marry him.”

The wise king did not hesitate a moment. “The attorney must marry the first lady’s daughter,” he proclaimed.

“But she was willing to hew him in two!” exclaimed the king’s adviser.

“Indeed,” said wise King Solomon. “That shows she is the true mother-in-law.”