Such nachas
Two women are having coffee.
“So how’s your daughter?”
“Oh, Rachel! She’s fine, she just married a dentist!”
“Really? Isn’t she the one that married the lawyer?”
“Yes, that’s her.”
“Nice. And isn’t she the same one that married the doctor?”
“Yes, that’s my Rachel!”
“And didn’t she marry the bank executive before that?”
“Yes, yes!”
“Ahhh. So much nachas from one child!”
Jewish mugging
A long time ago, in a small Russian town, a Jewish family became poorer and poorer. No matter what the husband and wife did to try and put bread on the table, the family’s situation became worse and worse.
Finally, as the husband saw they were about to starve, he decided he could no longer live honestly. “Wife,” he said, “pack up my prayer shawl and tefillin, and give me a knife. I will become a robber.”
The wife was extremely upset, but she did as her husband told her.
The man wandered into the woods, and it wasn’t long before he saw another Jewish man. This man looked fairly prosperous. “Mister,” the Yiddishe robber said, “give me all that you have on you. Give me your money, your jewelry. If you don’t, I will stab you to death. I’m not fooling around. Give me everything or I will leave you for dead!”
The wealthy man quickly thought about the situation, and concluded it probably wouldn’t happen. “I will give you nothing! If you wish, stab me,” he exclaimed.
The robber took out the knife and was about to stab him, when he looked at the knife and threw it away saying, “In ale shvartzse yorn! Zi hot mir gebebn a milchikn messer!” (“In all dark years! She gave me a milk knife!”)