Things a Jewish mother would never say:
• I don’t need any grandchildren.
• I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity.
• Yeah, I used to skip school, too.
• You are so lucky to have your in-laws.
• Just live with him … You don’t have to marry him.
• Be good and for your birthday, I’ll buy you a motorcycle!
• How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?
• Don’t bother wearing a jacket, it’s plenty warm out.
• Let me smell that shirt — yeah, it’s good for another week.
• Just leave all the lights on. It makes the house cheerier.
Mama always knows
Mrs. Cohen came to visit her son Simon, who lives with a female roommate, Rachel, to have dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Simon’s roommate was. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Simon and his roommate than met the eye.
Reading his mom’s thoughts, Simon volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Rachel and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Rachel came to Simon, saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”
Simon replied, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”
So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mama,
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the sugar bowl from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Simon
Several days later, Simon received an email in response from his mother. It read:
Dear Son,
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Rachel, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama.