Smart money
Goldberg walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so Goldberg hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street out front. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, Goldberg returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”
Goldberg replies, “Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?”
If famous people had Jewish mothers
Mona Lisa: “This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?”
Christopher Columbus: “I don’t care what you’ve discovered, you still should have written.”
Michelangelo: “Why can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that shmutz off of the ceiling?”
Napoleon: “All right, if you’re not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!”
Abraham Lincoln: “Again with the hat! Why can’t you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?”
George Washington: “Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance goodbye!”
Thomas Edison: “Of course I’m proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!”
Paul Revere: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bedtime!”