The cantor’s voice
A cantor brags before his congregation in a booming, bellowing voice: “Two years ago I insured my voice with Lloyds of London for $750,000.” There is a hushed and awed silence in the crowded room.
Suddenly, from the back of the room, the quiet, nasal voice of an elderly man is heard, “So, what did you do with the money?”
American Jewish lingo
Jewbilation: Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish.
Torahfied: Inability to remember one’s lines at one’s bar or bat mitzvah.
Chutzpapa: A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper.
Disoriyenta: When Aunt Sadie gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.
Meinstein: (slang) “My son, the genius.”
Mishpochemarks: The assorted lipstick and makeup stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.
Re-shtetlment: Moving from New Jersey to Florida and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo as you.
Feelawful: Indigestion from eating Israeli street food.
Diskvellified: To drop out of law school, med school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for diskvellification.
Jewdo: A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot.