Modern Exodus

Little David came home from Hebrew school and his father asked, “Davey, what did you learn today?”

David answered, “The rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt.”

“And how did he do that?” his father asked expectantly.

“Well, Moses was a big strong man and he beat the tar out of Pharoah. Then while Pharoah was down, Moses got all the Jews together and everyone ran toward the sea. When they got there, Moses had the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they were on the other side, Moses blew up the bridge with dynamite while the Egyptians were trying to cross.”

The father was shocked. “Is that what the rabbi taught you?”

The boy rolled his eyes and replied, “No. But you’d never believe the story he DID tell us!”

A Passover song

(Sung to the tune of “These Are a Few of My Favorite Things”)

Cleaning and cooking and so many dishes
Out with the chametz, no pasta, no knishes
Fish that’s gefilted, horseradish that stings
These are a few of our Passover things.

Matzah and karpas and chopped up charoset
Shankbones and Kiddish and Yiddish neuroses
Tante who kvetches and uncle who sings
These are a few of our Passover things.

Motzi and maror and trouble with Pharoahs
Famines and locusts and slaves with wheelbarrows
Matzah balls floating and eggshells that cling
These are a few of our Passover things.

When the plagues strike
When the lice bite
When we’re feeling sad
We simply remember our Passover things
And then we don’t feel so baaad!