The wave

A bubbe is pushing her grandson in a stroller along the edge of the surf on the beach. Suddenly, a giant wave swells up and crashes over the two of them, taking the little boy out to sea.

The bubbe throws her hands up and shouts, “Oh, God! Oh, God! Don’t let this happen! Bring back my little bushkin! I can’t live without him! I beg you, please!”

With that, the wave returns and the little boy is placed at his grandmother’s feet. She scoops him up in her arms, looks up to heaven and says, “He had a hat!”

Tax time

The IRS sends its auditor to a synagogue. The auditor is doing every type of check and is driving everyone batty with his questions.

Soon it’s the rabbi’s turn. The auditor says to the rabbi, “I notice you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answers the rabbi.

“Well, rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asks.

“A good question,” says the rabbi. “We actually save the drippings. When we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every so often they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh,” replies the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d go on, in his obnoxious way. “Rabbi, what about the boxes of matzah you purchase? What do you do with the matzah crumbs?”

“Ah, yes,” replies the rabbi calmly, “we actually collect all the matzah crumbs. When we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every so often they send us a free box of matzah balls.”

“Oh,” replies the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the rabbi. “Well, rabbi,” he goes on, “what do you do with the foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?”

“Yes, here too we do not waste,” replies the rabbi. “We actually save all the foreskins and when we have enough, we send them to the IRS.

“To the IRS?” asks the auditor in disbelief.

“Oh yes,” replies the rabbi, “And once a year they send us a putz like you.”