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Holy carpool

A rabbi, a priest and a minister have their houses of worship side by side, so they decide to carpool.

The first day, the other two are shocked to see the minister place his hands on the hood and pray silently.

“What are you doing?” the priest asks.

The minister looks up. “I’m just dedicating the car to the Lord’s service.”

“Good idea! Be right back!” the priest exclaims, running to his church. He emerges with a bulb on a short stick, shaking water out of it onto the car.

The rabbi stares. “What are you doing?” he says.

“I’m consecrating it with holy water,” the priest replies.

“Great idea!” the rabbi says, and runs into his synagogue’s tool shed.

He emerges with a hacksaw and takes off an inch of the tailpipe.

Bar mitzvah booty

There was a young man who was known for his lack of study, and performed his bar mitzvah with his characteristic lack of preparation. The rabbi of the congregation was not about to let this go unnoticed.

When it came time to hand out the gifts to the young lad, he received the usual kiddush cup and Bible from the congregation. Then the rabbi placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder, saying “You have received many gifts today, prayers in book form that will enrich your life, and make it holy in the eyes of HaShem. And now for my own special gift to you.”

The rabbi pulled out an umbrella from behind the lectern. He told the young man,”I present you with this — I wanted to at least give you something that you would open!”