Sign up for Weekday J and get the latest on what's happening in the Jewish Bay Area.

Squeezemaster

The local pub was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and then hand the lemon to a customer. Anyone who could squeeze out one more drop of juice would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, rowers, wrestlers, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day Hyman, a scrawny little man, came into the bar wearing thick glasses and a cheap jacket.

Hyman went up to the barman and said in a squeaky voice, “I’d like to try the bet.”

After the laughter had died down, the barman said OK, grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to Hyman. But the laughter turned to silence as Hyman clenched his fist around the lemon and four more drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the barman paid the $1,000 and asked, “What do you do for a living? Are you a professional strongman, or what?”

Hyman replied, “No, I’m not — I work for a Jewish nonprofit.”

© david minkoff

A simple question

Abe, an elderly man, was in the witness box.

“How old are you?” asked the attorney.

“I am, kin ahora, 82.”

“What did you say?”

“I said I am, kin ahora, 82 years old.”

“Please just give a simple answer to my question,” said the attorney. “How old are you?”

“Kin ahora, 82,” replied Abe.

The judge intervened: “If you don’t want to be held in contempt of court, the witness will answer the question and only the question.”

The defense counsel then got up and said to the judge, “Your Honor, may I ask the witness?” and turned toward Abe.

“Kin ahora, how old are you?”

Abe replied, “82.”

© david minkoff