Jews on Mars?

Two astronauts land on Mars. Their mission: to check whether there is oxygen on the planet.

“Give me the box of matches,” says one. “Either it burns and there is oxygen, or nothing happens.”

He takes the box and is ready to strike a match when out of the blue, a Martian appears waving all his arms: “No, no, don’t!”

The two astronauts look at each other, worried. Could there be an unknown explosive gas on Mars? But one takes out another match …

And now, a crowd of hysterical Martians comes running, all waving their arms: “No, no, don’t do that!”

“It looks serious. What are they afraid of?” the astronaut wonders. “But we’re here for science, to know if man can breathe on Mars, and we have to do this.”

He strikes a match, which flames up, burns down, and … nothing happens.

“Why did you want to prevent us from striking a match?” the astronaut asks the Martians.

The leader of the Martians replies, “Today is Shabbos!”

A dangerous trip

It was a terrible evening. The wind was blowing hard, it was raining and very, very cold. The streets were almost deserted and the bagel shop was just about to shut when Sidney entered.

He looked absolutely frozen. He was wearing two sweaters, a thick scarf and an even thicker coat. His umbrella had blown inside out and he looked thoroughly miserable.

As he unbuttoned his coat, he said to the baker, “Two bagels, please.”

The baker looked surprised. “Only two? Don’t you want anything else?”

“No, I only want two,” Sidney replied. “One for Esther and one for me.”

“Is Esther your wife?” asked the baker.

“Don’t be silly,” replied Sidney, “Of course she is. Do you think my mother would send me out on a night like this?”

© david minkoff