Jokes

A certain fate

A man, having just finished reading a book called “Man of the House,” strode into the kitchen and up to his wife, pointed a finger in her face, and said:

“From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished I expect a sumptuous dessert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax, and when I’m finished with my bath, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”

His wife replied, “The chevra kadisha?”

Talmud lessons

Rabbi Levy arrives at his shul’s weekly children’s service. This is when he gathers all the little children around him and gives them a brief Talmud lesson before dismissing them. He never misses an opportunity to give them a suitable message.

On this particular Shabbat, he decides to use squirrels for an object lesson on teaching them the need for industry and preparation. So he starts out by saying to the children, “I’m now going to describe something to you and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is.”

The children nod eagerly.

“This thing runs around in trees … and eats nuts … ”

No hands go up.

“And it’s grey or brown … and it has a bushy tail …”

The children look at each other, but still no hands are raised.

“And it takes big jumps from one branch to another … and it chatters and flips its tail when it’s excited …”

Finally, little Sam tentatively raises his hand. Rabbi Levy breathes a sigh of relief and says, “Good, Sam, so what do you think it is?”

“Well, rabbi,” says little Sam, “I know the answer must be Moses … but it sounds just like a squirrel to me!”

Unless otherwise specified, these jokes have been e-mailed to us by friends and associates who, for the most part, have downloaded them. We therefore cannot verify the authorship. Readers can send joke suggestions to [email protected].