Literal…

Rebecca is reading a Bible story to her young daughter Emma. “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt,” Rebecca said.

Emma asked, “What happened to the flea, mummy?”

… And illiterate?

David makes aliyah to Israel. As soon as he settles down in Tel Aviv, he goes to see the local optician.

“I’m having trouble reading,” he says. “Maybe you could check my eyes?”

The optician agrees and sits David in front of a large eye test chart. “Can you read the letters on the bottom line?” he asks.

“No,” replies David.

“So how about the next line up?” asks the optician.

Squinting, David replies, “No, I still can’t read them.”

“OK,” says the optician, “let’s start at the top line. Read out the letters please.”

“But I can’t,” says David.

“Are you perhaps a teeny bit blind?” asks the optician.

“Certainly not,” replies David, “it’s just that I’ve never learned to read Hebrew.”

A twister twist

Early one morning, a tornado lifted off the roof of a house in the Midwest, picked up the bed on which Rabbi Gold and his wife Beckie were sleeping and set them down gently one town over.

When Beckie started to cry, the rabbi tried to comfort her. “Don’t be scared, darling,” he said, “we’re not hurt.”

But Beckie continued to cry. “I’m not crying because I’m scared,” she said, “I’m crying because I’m happy — this is the first time in years we’ve been out together somewhere other than the synagogue!”