The red herring

Two little old ladies, Gertrude and Zelda, were sitting on a park bench having a serious conversation.

“Gertrude,” said Zelda, “I don’t understand something. I simply have no appetite lately. No matter how much I try to eat, I have no appetite.”

Gertrude said, “Listen Zelda, my doctor, the lovely Doctor Myers, once told me that if I didn’t have an appetite I should take a little piece of herring before meals and I would soon get an appetite. So I tried it and it was true. So take my advice, Zelda, and try a little piece of herring before lunch and you’ll see, you’ll develop an appetite.”

A few days later the two met again in the park.

“Nu, Zelda, how do you feel now? Did the herring give you an appetite?”

Zelda sighed. “I took your advice. First I had a little piece of herring. Then I had a whole herring. I really wanted to give it a chance, so I ate six herrings. But Gertrude, your advice didn’t work for me. Would you believe, when lunchtime came, I had absolutely no appetite!”

© david minkoff

Upping the ante

Gary was having a good time in Tel Aviv and was invited to a party. Unfortunately, during the evening, he lost his wallet. So Gary, not being the shy kind, stood on a chair and shouted:

“Excuse me ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just lost my wallet with more than $500 in cash in it. To the person who finds my wallet, I will give $50.”

A voice from the back of the hall shouted, “I will give $75.”

© david minkoff

This is j.’s last jokes colum.