Caught in a lie

One Shabbos, Rabbi Bloom told his congregation, “Next week, my sermon will be all about the sin of lying, and to help you understand it better I would like you all to read Leviticus, Chapter 28, before next week.”

The following Shabbos, at the start of his sermon, Rabbi Bloom asked his congregation, “How many of you have read Leviticus 28?”

Every hand went up.

Rabbi Bloom smiled and said, “Leviticus has only 27 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

Bulletin bloopers

These announcements were found in shul newsletters and bulletins. Even spell check wouldn’t have helped:

• Don’t let worry kill you. Let your synagogue help. Join us for our Oneg after services. Prayer and medication to follow. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our congregation.

• For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

• We are pleased to announce the birth of David Weiss, the sin of Rabbi and Mrs. Abe Weiss.

• Thursday at 3 there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All women wishing to become Little Mothers please see the rabbi in his private study.

• The ladies of Hadassah have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the basement on Tuesdays.

• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the JCC. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.

• Rabbi is on vacation. Massages can be given to his secretary.

• Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Rob, who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

• If you enjoy sinning, the choir is looking for you!

• The associate rabbi unveiled the synagogue’s new fundraising campaign slogan this week: “I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours.”