Jokes

A last hope

Morris gets into a dreadful state of panic. He rushes up to his wife, Leah, and says, almost crying, “I can’t find my wallet. I’ve been looking for it everywhere. What should I do? I had over $200 in it, and all my credit cards.”

“Calm down, Morris,” replies Leah. “Did you look in your jacket?”

“Yes, of course I did,” replies Morris. “I’ve looked in my jacket’s inside pockets three times already and it’s not there.”

“So what about your trouser pockets?” asks Leah.

“I’ve looked in there too,” replies Morris, “but my wallet isn’t in either pocket. What shall I do, Leah? What shall I do?”

“Oh, stop whining, Morris,” says Leah. “What about the side pockets of your jacket?”

“I’m not meshuggah yet, Leah,” Morris cries. “Of course I haven’t looked in my jacket’s side pockets. Why should I give up the last bit of hope I have left?”

A perfect fit

During his school break, 17-year-old Avram decides to take a temporary job as a delivery boy. One evening he delivers a meal to Bernie’s house. He hands over the meal and Bernie pays the bill. Then Bernie looks at Avram for a few seconds and somewhat begrudgingly says, “I suppose you also want me to give you a tip?”

Avram doesn’t answer immediately, but looks at Bernie for a few seconds before replying. “Yes, sir, that would be most appreciated, especially as the guy who normally delivers to this area told me that I shouldn’t expect much from you. He said I should be thankful if I got a quarter.”

“Well,” says Bernie, “just to prove your friend wrong, here’s $5 for your efforts.”

“Thank you very much,” says Avram. “This will go into the fund I’m building up to pay for my future education.”

“Really?” says Bernie. “So what are you going to study?”

“Applied psychology,” replies Avram.