Transference

Sadie goes to see her rabbi and complains about her bad headaches. She whines, cries and talks about her poor living conditions for hours.

All of a sudden, Sadie shouts, overjoyed, “Rabbi, your holy presence has cured me! My headache is gone!”

The rabbi replies, “No, Sadie, it is not gone. I have it now.”

© david minkoff

The one-uppers

It started when Faye and Naomi were friends at school. Faye seemed to spend her entire time trying to get one over on Naomi and never missed an opportunity to belittle her. Whatever Naomi had or did, Faye would better it.

Then they left school to go their own ways. Thirty years later, by chance, Faye and Naomi meet again. And guess what? Nothing has changed. Within minutes, Faye is boasting about her life and whenever Naomi says something, Faye dismisses it with contempt. After 15 minutes of this, Faye looks at her watch and says, “I must go pick up my diamonds. My husband, Lou, is so wealthy that once a month he sends them to Hatton Garden for cleaning. We’re going to the Royal Opera tonight, it’s Madama Butterfly, and we have the best seats. So I need my diamonds.”

“Oh,” replies Naomi with a smile on her face, “do you clean your diamonds? My husband, David, is so rich that he throws my diamonds away when they get dirty and buys me new ones.”