Seeing the future

A Jewish woman goes to see her rabbi in Bnei Brak. “Yankele and Yosele are both in love with me and want to marry me,” she says. “Who will be the lucky one?”

The wise old rabbi looks at her and answers: “Yankele will marry you … Yosele will be the lucky one!”

Always a fundraiser

A bus with 30 Hadassah ladies turned over and its occupants dispatched to heaven. Unfortunately, the computers were down, so God had to ask Satan to provide temporary housing. Soon after, He received an urgent telephone call from Satan telling Him to take the women off his hands.

“What’s the problem?” God asked.

Satan replied, “Those Hadassah ladies are ruining my whole setup. Only two hours and already they raised $100,000 for an air conditioning system!”

Practical matters

Rachel, Sheva and Rosalie visited their friend Gittel, a mother of four, who was laid up with a bad back.

“Oy … such a shame,” exclaimed Rachel.

“I know,” agreed Sheva. “The pain, and now the operation … such tsuris.”

“Darling,” Rosalie said. “we’ll pray for you every night!” The other women nodded.

“Praying I can do myself,” Gittel replied. “How about every night you wash my dishes?”