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The English butler

A Jewish couple in England wins 20 million pounds in the lottery, and they immediately set out to begin a life of luxury.

They buy a magnificent mansion in Knightsbridge and surround themselves with all the material wealth imaginable. Then they decide to hire a butler.

They find the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very British, and bring him back to their home. The day after his arrival, they instruct him to set up the dining room table for four, as they were inviting the Cohens to lunch.

The couple then leaves the house to do some shopping, and when they return, they find the table set for eight. They ask the butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the table for four.

The butler replies, “The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing the Blintzes and the Knishes.”

Left from right

A disappointed Coca-Cola salesman returns from his assignment to Israel and a friend asks, “Why weren’t you successful with the Israelis?”

The salesman explains: “When I got posted, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch. But I had a problem. I didn’t know how to speak Hebrew. So I planned to convey the message through three side-by-side posters.

“The first poster showed a man lying in the hot desert sand totally exhausted and fainting. Then in the second poster, the man is drinking a Coke. Then in the third poster on the far right, our man is now totally refreshed. And this sequence of  posters was pasted all over the place.”

“Terrific,” the friend says. “Sounds like that should have worked.”

“The heck it should have!” the salesman says. “No one told me they read from right to left over there!”

First day in the office

Lionel advertises for a junior office clerk and after interviewing a number of candidates, Ben is chosen. On his first day in the office, Ben is asked by Lionel to go get him a lox and cream cheese bagel and a coffee from Grodzinski’s.

Ten minutes later, Ben returns, goes into Lionel’s office and puts the coffee and bagel on the desk. He then looks out the window and says to Lionel, “Aren’t we lucky to be having such a beautiful day?”

“What do you mean by ‘we’?” snaps Lionel. “All of a sudden you’re a partner already?”

© david minkoff