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And the winner is …

Some of our favorites from the nominations at the Yiddish Academy Awards:

“Gonif With the Wind.” A thief tries to acquire ownership of Tara through a forged deed.

“The Cincinnati Yid.” Steve McQueen uses some of his poker winnings to start a Reform congregation.

“The Seder House Rules.” Bubbe lays down the law on Pesach.

“Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kibitzer.” Paul Newman and Robert Redford do stand-up shtick while they rob their victims.

“The Matzonian Candidate.” Frank Sinatra is brainwashed into thinking it’s always Passover.

“Driedels of the Lost Ark.” Harrison Ford plays the most dangerous Chanukah games.

“Stuart Ladle.” Mouse makes chicken soup for Shabbos.

“The Green Mohel.” A young man performs first circumcision.

“Aleph Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” Neither the waitress nor the old Hebrew school can be found.

“Goy Story 2.” Jewish man divorces shiksa, marries another shiksa.

“The Creature from the Black Latke.” An overdone potato pancake turns into a monster.

“The Putzman Always Rings Twice.” A mohel murder mystery.

A cry for help

Abe is traveling on a bus to Chicago. It’s a hot day and everyone on board is quiet and subdued. Suddenly, Abe hears what seems to him to be a cry for help from the back of the bus. He looks to find out who is making the noise and sees that it’s an elderly bubbe.

“Oy, am I thirsty,” she cries out. “Oy, am I thirsty.”

This is repeated over and over again every few minutes. “Oy, am I thirsty. Oy, am I thirsty,” and each time, there is more and more pain to the bubbe’s voice.

This begins to get on Abe’s nerves, so he gets the bus driver to stop at the next corner and he goes into gas station mini-market to get the lady a drink. When he returns, he goes straight to the bubbe with a bottle of mineral water and says, “Here grandma, drink up. And then be quiet, will you?”

The bubbe drinks the water, Abe goes back to his seat and the bus continues on its journey. Some passengers begin to nod off again, others are looking at their cell phones and the rest are just relieved that the old bubbe is quiet.

All of a sudden they hear from the back of the bus, “Oy, am I hungry. Oy, am I hungry.”