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Two bees or not two bees?

Two bees run into each other, and the first bee asks the other how things were going.

“Really bad,” says the second bee. “The weather has been really wet and damp and there aren’t any flowers or pollen, so I can’t make any honey.”

“No problem,” says the first bee. “Just fly down five blocks and turn left. Keep going until you see all the cars. That’s the Schwartz kid’s bar mitzvah, and there are all kinds of fresh flowers and fruit.”

“Thanks for the tip,” says the second bee as he flies away.

A few hours later, the two bees run into each other again. The first bee asks, “How’d it go?”

”Great!” says the second bee. “It was everything you said it would be.”

“Uh, what’s that thing on your head?” asks the first bee.

“That’s my yarmulke,” says the second bee. “I didn’t want them to think I was a wasp.”

Shooting Star

A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, “Ma, I’m bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She’s a Native American and her name is Shooting Star.”

“How nice,” says his mother.

“I have an Indian name, too,” he says. “It’s Running Deer, and I want you to call me that from now on.”

“How nice,” says his mother.

“You should have an Indian name too, Ma.”

“I already do,” says the mother. “You can call me Sitting Shiva.”

Say what?

Sol was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?’”

“Twelve thirty.”

Chicken inspector

Gladys walks into the butcher shop and asks Manny Klein for the freshest chicken he has. So he pulls out a chicken for her to inspect.

Gladys immediately gets to work. She starts by looking it over inside and out. She then sniffs it at both ends and continues to sniff all around it. Finally, she puts her nose inside the body cavity. Then Gladys hands the chicken back and says, “You call this a fresh chicken?”

“Mrs. Cohen,” replies Manny, “you could pass such an inspection?”