Where’s your beard?
After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the Old Country for America returns the shtetl to visit the family.
“But — where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him.
“Mama,” he replies, “in America, nobody wears a beard.”
“But at least you keep the Sabbath?”
“Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath.”
“But kosher food — you still eat?”
“Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher.”
The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, “Isaac, tell me — you’re still circumcised?”
Open and shut
Moshe and Jake have been conscripted into the Israeli parachute regiment, and as they prepare for their first training jump, the instructor explains that it’s very simple.
“You jump from the aircraft, count to 20, and press the button on the left-hand side of your pack. The parachute then opens. If it doesn’t, count to 20 again and then press the button on the right-hand side of your pack. The reserve chute will certainly open. When you land, a car will be waiting to take you back to base.”
Moshe and Jake jump, count to 20 and press the buttons on the left side of their packs. Their chutes fail to open.
They count again to 20 and press the buttons on the right side of their packs. The reserve chutes fail to open.
Moshe then shouts over to Jake: “You’ll see. When we land there won’t even be a car waiting for us.”
© david minkoff
MYOB
The following joke was sent into our e-mail (several times over) with “Joke of the Year” as its subject line. Here it is:
Two Jewish women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
History lesson
Many people know that the Yiddish “pulkes” translates roughly to “thighs.” But few know the derivation of the word has been traced back to the language of one of the original Tribes of Israel, the Cellulites.