Sign up for Weekday J and get the latest on what's happening in the Jewish Bay Area.

  NOTE: See below for link to another view on this topic.

Debbie Friedman was my younger sister. I knew her well. I am writing this on behalf of my sister, who now can only speak for herself through her music.

Debbie lived a life characterized by striving for a deeper commitment to living Jewishly. She studied. She prayed. She wrote. She sang. She loved. She laughed. She cried.                   

One thing she did not do was hide who she was. Debbie loved the people in her life with unwavering commitment — family, partner, ex-partner, friend and stranger. She took great pride in those in her life who knew and loved her.

The audacity to denigrate and defame her name at this time — or any time — is shameful. It is lashon hara (“evil tongue,” gossip).

I suggest that those of you who feel compelled to impose your life choices on Debbie should take a long look in the mirror and in your heart.

Perhaps your accusations bespeak your not having dealt with your own sexuality. If you feel the need to foist certain of your beliefs on society, feel free to do so.

There is absolutely nothing about Debbie’s personal life to which anyone is entitled. Debbie knew she had to account only to God and pattern her life after her understanding of Torah and Talmud.

Debbie’s personal disclosures had no particular interest group in mind. She disclosed her personal life through her music for the sole purposes of teaching, inspiration and enjoyment — hers and those participating. And with her music she shared intimately.

The only way the world will ever change its view of any group denied full recognition and rights is for that group to treat people with the respect they wish to be treated. Living as a respectful, caring human being — that is going to make the difference in how the world views any of us. Try that as a goal. Be part of the world we all struggle to make a better place.

Please stop the blogs and articles requiring of Debbie something she can no longer give to you. She most likely never would have chosen to do so. Your argument is based on a celebrity’s duty to disclose. She never saw herself as a celebrity. She never behaved in a way to foster that image.

Stop using your characterization of her as a celebrity to excuse your intrusion into her life. I read the title of the article to which I am responding, “Debbie Friedman now a debate topic: Did she hide her lesbianism?,” to my mom. It literally took her breath away. She said, “Can’t they just let her rest in peace? Why are they doing this to her?”

Why indeed?

Cheryl Friedman is a research psychoanalyst and mediator in Orange County.

ANOTHER VIEW: Marc Klein: “Coming out” debate is an old one — and relevant to our region