The provider

A young woman brings home her fiancé to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man. The father invites the fiancé into his study for a drink.

“So what are your plans?” the father asks the young man.

“I am a Torah scholar,” he replies.

“A Torah scholar. Hmm,” the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she’s accustomed to?”

 “I will study,” the young man replies, “and God will provide for us.”

“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she certainly deserves?” asks the father.

“I will concentrate on my studies,” the young man replies. “And God will provide for us.”

“And the children?” asks the father. “How will you support the children?”

“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,” replies the fiancé.

Later that evening the mother asks, “So, how did it go, honey?”

The father answers, “He has no job, no money, no plans — but the good news is he thinks I’m God.”

The Northern rights

Johnnie McTavish and his friend, Morris Abelman, are arguing about which people are superior — Scots or Jews.

“Jews are undoubtedly the superior people,” Morris contends. “In every part of the world, Jews excel in medicine, science and finance, to name but a few.”

“Aha, my friend, you’ve slipped up at last,” replies Johnnie. “You say in ‘all parts of the world’ — but what about the Polar regions?”

“What, ‘iceberg’ doesn’t sound like a Jewish name to you?” replies Morris.

 david minkoff

How old are you?

At age 90, Grandpa Finkelstein is surprised but pleased, nevertheless, when his grandsons Sam and Ollie come to visit him. During their most recent visit, they couldn’t help but notice how old he looked, so Sam said to him, “Grandpa, how old are you really?”

Being a bit of a joker, grandpa replies, “Well Sam, I’m very, very old. In fact, I’m so old that when I was your age, the Dead Sea

wasn’t even dead. It was only sick.” david minkoff