Moishe Plotnik

Walking up a hill in Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the hustle and bustle, the restaurants, shops and signs. Then he turns a corner and sees “Moishe Plotnik’s Chinese Laundry.”

“Moishe Plotnik?” he muses. “How the heck does that fit in here?”

So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like ‘Moishe Plotnik’s Chinese Laundry?’ “

The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”

The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?”

“Me, right here,” replies the old man.

“You? How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?”

“Simple,” says the old man. “Many years ago, when we come to this country, we stand in line at the documentation center. The man in front of me is a Jewish man from Poland, and when the lady asked him for his name, he says, ‘Moishe Plotnik.’ Then she looked at me and said, ‘What your name?’ And I say, ‘Sem Ting.’ “

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It’s all relative

Two Jewish women were speaking about their sons, each of whom was incarcerated in the state prison.

The first says: “Oy, my son has it so hard. He is locked away in maximum security, he never even speaks to anyone or sees the light of day. He has no exercise and he lives a horrible life.”

The second says: “Well, my son is in minimum security. He exercises every day, he spends time in the prison library, takes some classes, and even writes home each week.

“Oy,” says the first woman, “You must get such naches from your son.”

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Tooth fairly?

Hymie is sitting in the dentist’s chair and is just about to have some extensive and expensive cosmetic work carried out on his teeth. Adrian, his dentist, smiles at him and says, “Just before I start, Hymie, I’d like to tell you how lucky you are coming to me for this work. When I’ve finished with you, you’ll be another man entirely.”

“I’m pleased to hear that, Adrian” says Hymie. “So don’t forget to send your invoice to this other man.”

©david minkoff