Have you ever been sitting at a Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur service and asked yourself, “Why am I feeling somewhat distant from the wording of these prayers?” Or “Why do I feel so distracted here and why is the service so long?”
Please know that you are not alone in having these feelings. As a psychotherapist and a Jewish author, I’ve heard from thousands of diverse Jews (including many who are very religious, not very religious, and extremely not religious) who told me privately that they felt bored or fidgety at times during High Holy Days services in previous years.
Fortunately, there are some highly effective ways to connect more deeply with the profound themes and life-changing insights that can be found in the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services of nearly every congregation.
Here are a few easy steps on how to make these carefully choreographed Days of Awe more meaningful to you (or for a member of your family who has been feeling somewhat bored or disconnected from recent High Holy Days gatherings):
The services will come alive for you if you allow the beautiful melodies, the talented voices and the intense sounds of the shofar to take you to a place of profound awakening. Rather than focusing on what people are wearing, whose kids are misbehaving or the imperfections you notice in the rabbi’s sermon, make sure to let yourself be lifted up by the soulful melodies that connect each of us with hundreds of years of passionate and vulnerable Jews pouring out their feelings of longing, sadness, joy and gratitude at similar services during pleasant years and tragic years.
As you listen closely to the music and the call of the shofar, imagine yourself surrounded by many generations of ancestors asking you lovingly, “Nu, how are you? How is your beautiful soul navigating this complicated world that is so challenging?”
During the days leading up to Rosh Hashanah, pick a phrase or a theme from the High Holy Days prayerbook that makes you curious about the mysteries of life or how to help your soul find its true purpose of doing some good in large or small ways. Rather than getting bent out of shape by some harsh phrase from the prayerbook that you don’t like, choose instead to focus this year on a few phrases and themes that you select consciously to inspire and motivate you in the days and weeks surrounding the High Holy Days.
For example, what is a vow you made in the past year (to yourself, to a loved one, or to someone at work) that you now realize you haven’t fully kept? What will it take for you
to change that vow and create something new that is much more likely to be kept?
I’ve found that one of the best ways to enjoy the High Holy Days services and get more insights from them is if you notice your breathing whenever possible during the lengthy services and say silently, “Hineini (he-neh-nee),
here I am,” which is a powerful focusing phrase that you can utilize whenever you feel distracted, tense or frustrated. If you remember to breathe smoothly and fully as you open up your creative mind with the words “Hineini, here I am,” you may be surprised at how you will start to be less stressed and more centered, not only at High Holy Days services but also throughout the rest of the year.
At various points during the Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services, you will be given the opportunity to say out loud or to speak silently the truths, the concerns and the aspirations that you carry in your heart. In addition, you are being encouraged to speak these truths to the mysterious source of life that is beyond human comprehension, and yet we feel especially close to the mysterious one at these holiday gatherings.
Whether you are a strong believer in a loving presence or you are a person who wrestles with many doubts, these Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services ask you to dig deeply into your own heart and admit honestly, “This is where I have missed the mark,” “This is what I notice and appreciate about the gifts in my life,” and “This is what I am longing to improve in the coming year.” You will probably find that having the chance to slow down and connect with the still, small voice within as you express these profound truths is time well spent.
One of the beautiful things about Jewish holidays such as Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is that in Judaism we always have the chance to wake up anew, to ask for guidance and to improve how we are dealing with our toughest personal, family and work-related challenges. But we are not being asked to be perfect, nor are we condemned for being human and having lots of struggles.
As you sit in Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur services, make sure to treat yourself with lovingkindness and see if you can connect with the mysterious source of lovingkindness that possibly flows through your heart, not only on these holy days but throughout the coming year.
May it be a good and healthy year for you and the people whose lives you touch with your caring and your creativity.
Leonard Felder, Ph.D., is the author of 12 books, including “Here I Am: Using Jewish Spiritual Wisdom to Become More Present, Centered, and Available for Life.” For information, visit www.hereiamremedies.com.