Where there’s smoke, there may be salmon.
No meal is complete without leftovers.
According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
A shmata is a dress that your husband’s ex is wearing.
You need 10 men for a minyan, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Nordstrom’s.
Anything worth saying is worth repeating 1,000 times.
Never take a front row seat at a bris.
Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
Never leave a restaurant empty-handed.
Spring ahead. Fall back. Winters in Boca.
WASPs leave and never say goodbye; Jews say goodbye and never leave.
Always whisper the names of diseases.
If it tastes good, it’s probably not kosher.
Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
If you have to ask the price, you can’t afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.