In a New York bar

Maurice and Isaac find themselves sitting next to each other in a New York bar. After a while, Maurice looks at Isaac and says, “I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Israel.”

Isaac responds proudly, “I am!”

Maurice says, “So am I! And where might you be from?”

Isaac answers, “I’m from Jerusalem.”

Maurice replies, “So am I! And where did you live?”

Isaac says, “A nice little area two miles east of King David’s Hotel. Not too far from the old city.”

Maurice says, “Unbelievable! What school did you attend?”

Isaac answers, “Yeshiva University.”

Maurice is even more excited. “And so did I,” he says. “Tell me, what year did you graduate?”

“In 1974,” Isaac answers.

Maurice exclaims, “Amazing! This is bershert. HaShem wanted us to meet! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it? I also graduated from Yeshiva U., and also in 1974.”

About this time, Allen enters the bar, sits down and orders a beer. The bartender walks over to him shaking his head and mutters, “It’s going to be a long night tonight. The Goldberg twins are drunk again.”

No parking place

Moishe is driving in Jerusalem. He’s late for a meeting, he’s looking for a parking place, and can’t find one.

In desperation, he turns toward the heavens and says: “Lord, if you find me a parking place, I promise that I’ll eat only kosher, and that I’ll respect Shabbat and all the holidays.”

Miraculously, a place opens up just in front of him.

He turns his face up to heaven and says, “Never mind, I just found one!”