What floats your boat

Two old friends from synagogue, Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul says to Morty, “So listen, Morty, you know I don’t swim so well.”

Morty remembers how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid, so he begins tugging Saul toward shore. After five or six minutes, he begins to tire.

Finally about 100 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, “So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?”

Saul replies, “Morty, this is a heck of a time to be asking for money!”

Man and wife

An Israeli mayor in a small town is walking past a construction site with his wife. One of the workers stops and calls out to the woman. “Sara! Hey, Sara! Hi. What’s new?”

“Why, it’s nice to see you again Avi,” the woman replies. She turns to introduce her husband to the man in the hard hat, and they speak for several minutes.

After the mayor and his wife continue on, he turns to his wife to ask how she knows him.

“You know, we went together in high school,” she says. “I even thought about marrying him.”

The husband begins to laugh. “You don’t realize how lucky you are,” he says. “If I hadn’t come along, today you would be the wife of a construction worker!”

Without hesitation, the wife replies, “Not really, dear. If I had married him, he’d now be a mayor.”

If a tree falls …

If a married Jewish man is walking alone in the park and expresses an opinion without anybody hearing him, is he still wrong?

Two riddles (with apologies)

Q. What did the Jewish princess say to her baby?

A. “Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.”

Q. What does a Jewish princess make for dinner?

A. Reservations.