On the links
Three pious, bearded rabbis dressed in long black coats and wide-brimmed hats are playing golf.
A guy named Colin Mahoney wants to play the same course, but it’s crowded so he joins the rabbis’ threesome. On the 18th hole, he shoots a seven to round out a rather high score of 104. The rabbis, meanwhile, shoot 69, 70 and 72.
So he says to them, “How come you guys shoot such good golf?”
The lead rabbi says, “When you lead a religious life, join and attend the right synagogue, you are rewarded.”
Mahoney, a true lover of golf, thinks, “What have I got to lose?” So he finds a synagogue near his home, studies for nearly a year, converts to Judaism, joins the synagogue, regularly attends services and leads a pious life.
About three months after all that, he again plays golf with the three rabbis. He shoots a 104 and they shoot a 69, 70 and 71.
He says: “OK, I converted, joined a synagogue, live a religious life and I still shoot a 104. What’s the deal?”
“What synagogue did you join?” asks Rabbi Goldman.
“Beth Shalom,” he replies.
“Shlemiel!” the rabbi exclaims. “Beth Shalom is for tennis!”
What are the odds?
Longtime Brooklyn resident Abe Steinmetz was worried that his son Howard, now out West in his first semester at Fresno State, would quickly forget that he was Jewish.
So as Yom Kippur was approaching, Abe sent Howard the following text message: “Hi Howard. Yom Kippur starts on Tuesday.”
Howard sent back the following reply: “Thanks for letting me know. Put me down for $10 on him to win.”
Something wrong
Leah meets her old friend Naomi and they start talking about their families.
“So how’s your son getting on?” Leah asks.
“Oy,” replies Naomi, kvelling, “what nachas my Sheldon gives me. He’s a doctor, you know, and he just opened a big office in the city. His patients all work for the top banks and brokers and insurance companies. And he’s a very good doctor, Leah; you should go see him for a checkup.”
“Listen, Naomi” Leah replies. “I’m in perfect health. Nothing’s wrong. So who needs a checkup?”
“I wouldn’t be too confident about that, Leah,” Naomi says. “If you go see my Sheldon, I promise you he will find something wrong.”