The new Yiddish

Humor columnist Lev Novak took the liberty of creating some new Yiddish words for today’s Jews. Here they are:

Kasherk: The joy you get receiving your one good Chanukah present followed by the slow disappointment that the other seven nights are just socks.

Shuloozer: One who attends shul exclusively for the food. He may bring tupperware.

Derezzle: The feeling grandparents get upon hearing their granddaughter finally married a wonderful doctor and overall mensch, Chad Warrington XIII.

Oyshalak: The slow shock every Jewish kid gets reading “Portnoy’s Complaint” and realizing their parents must have read “those parts,” too. And they still told you to read it. Gross.

Shlemaka: The creeping doubt that maybe Hebrew school should teach a kid more than a lifelong love of falafel.

Costshumille: One who wears the same costume for both Halloween and Purim.

Fermezzle: The mixture of relief and disappointment you get when finding your missing cell phone and seeing you have no missed text messages or emails at all.

Manyoys: The shock that there are somehow a dozen Woody Allen movies you’ve never heard of.

Techne-yente: A Jewish mother who insists both you and your laptop wear something warm in this weather, mister. She also wants to know if you follow any nice Jewish girls on Twitter.

Drinkelesh: A teenager who is suddenly more interested in the Birthright program after hearing the drinking age in Israel is 18.

Disneyckle: The intellectual divide between your Netflix queue and the movies you claim to watch.

Tastiym: The suspicion that bacon might be worth it.

jointmedia news service


The good doctor

Leah meets her old friend Naomi and they start talking about their families. “So how’s your son getting on?” Leah asks.

“Oy,” replies Naomi, kvelling, “what nachas my Sheldon gives me. He’s a doctor, you know, and he just opened a big office in the city. His patients all work for the top banks and brokers and insurance companies. And he’s a very good doctor, Leah; you should go see him for a checkup.”

“Listen, Naomi” Leah replies. “I’m in perfect health. Nothing’s wrong. So who needs a checkup?”

“I wouldn’t be too confident about that, Leah,” Naomi says. “If you go see my Sheldon, I promise you he will find something wrong.”