Some new Jewish words

Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person.

Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s bar or bat Mitzvah.

Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzah to bits while trying to butter it.

Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children.

Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper.

Deja nu (n.) Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when.

Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes.

Hebort (v.) To forget all the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s bar or bat Mitzvah.

Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot.

Meinstein (n.) Slang for “My son, the genius!”

Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and makeup stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception.

Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Miami and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you.

Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, medical school or business school — as seen through the eyes of parents, grandparents and Uncle Sid. In other cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis-kvellification.

Kinders shlep (v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car.

Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur.

Fast service

Whenever it’s time for Miriam’s littlest son to go to bed, she always tucks him in and says, “bubbeleh, darling, if there’s anything you want during the night, just call your mommy — and I’ll send daddy right in.”

© david minkoff