Vayigash
Genesis 44:18–47:27
Ezekiel 37:15–28
Once upon a time, there was a man named Nachum. Whatever happened to him, he would always say “Gam zu l’tovah — This too is for good!” No matter the circumstances, whatever disaster befell him, he was always sure that things would work out well. His uncompromising optimism probably drove other people crazy; he was nicknamed Nahum Ish Gamzu, the “This-Too-Man.”
Challenges, pain and loss are real and it is, in my own experience, incredibly unhelpful — and sometimes very hurtful — to be told in the midst of tragedy or deep disappointment: “It must have happened for a reason.”
This week’s portion, Vayigash, the penultimate portion of the Book of Genesis, is the climactic conclusion of the saga of Jacob’s children. After selling him into slavery, Joseph’s brothers return to Egypt to buy food for their starving families. Unable to contain himself, Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, who initially are stunned and do not recognize him. They are ashamed of how they treated Joseph, but he reassures them: “Do not be sad or chagrined for selling me here; for it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you … God sent me ahead of you to assure your survival in the land, and to keep you alive for a great deliverance” (Genesis 45:4-7).
Joseph, in an act of great compassion, creates a narrative of forgiveness and meaning for the events of his life — thereby creating an opening for reconciliation with his brothers. Joseph crafts his own story and discovers in it meaning and purpose; ultimately, he is able to say, “Gam zu l’tovah — it all worked out for good.” This perspective is, of course, only possible from the other side; having moved through adversity, illness or disappointment, we can reflect on what we have learned, and even discover grace and gratitude in tragedy.
On many occasions, people who have survived or are living with cancer or other illnesses have told me how they were transformed by their experience. None of them sought out their illness, and it did not happen “for a reason.” But having lived through the experience, they were able to say that they had learned or grown or been transformed.
Many people express gratitude and speak about rebalancing their priorities, gaining clarity about how they use their time, and learning compassion and humility.
When we encounter tragedy, the question comes to mind, “Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?” It’s an obvious question — but usually the wrong one.
While there is much we can control about our lives, there is even more that we cannot. The mistake we too often make is one of scale; we think that what is happening is all about us and our individual lives. But illness usually begins on the cellular level or even the molecular, and the laws of chemistry are indiscriminate actors. Molecular bonds are made on the scale of electrons, not on the scale of our individual lives. We need to grasp that that it’s not about us; it’s about molecules.
Perhaps we need to look more often at the much longer scale of history and evolution. The correct answer to “Why me?” is perhaps a solar flare some millions of years ago that emitted a burst of radiation that caused a mutation in the human genome, and this particular expression of the history of human biology is being realized right now through my body — but it is not “about me.”
Later in the Bible, Job ultimately is vindicated for his insistence that we can be buffeted by powerful events and forces without being ourselves the reason or cause.
In his reconciliation with his brothers, Joseph chooses to retell the story of his own experiences in a narrative that gives meaning and purpose to his life. We do not have to believe that God planned or intended all the moments of our lives in order to look back and find meaning and the presence of God in the story we tell of how we reached this moment.
Rabbi Yoel Kahn is the senior rabbi at Reform Congregation Beth El of Berkeley. He can be reached at [email protected].