Mother knows best
A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and that he is going to get married.
He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, “OK, Ma, guess which one I’m going to marry.” She immediately replies, “The one on the right.”
“That’s amazing, Ma. You’re right. How did you know?”
The Jewish mother replies, “I don’t like her.”
A special plaque
As Morris is walking through his shul’s offices, he notices a number of lovely works of art hanging around the walls. But then he comes across a plaque inscribed only with a list of men’s names. Being a very curious man, Morris goes into Rabbi Levy’s office and asks, “Rabbi, what does the plaque with only men’s names on it mean?”
Rabbi Levy replies, “Those are the names of men who died in the service.”
“Really?” says Morris. “Was that the Friday night or Saturday morning service?”
© david minkoff
Modern-day mohel
Rabbi Alex Goldhamer does circumcisions, and to increase business, he has decided to put a notice for his services on the Internet. He is calling his new service “e-moil.”
© david minkoff
Too cold to wait
Recent immigrant Saul Epstein was taking an oral exam in his English class in the 1950s in Brooklyn. He was asked to spell “cultivate,” and he spelled it correctly.
He was then asked to use the word in a sentence, and, with a big smile, responded: “Last vinter on a very cold day, I vas vaiting for a bus, but it vas too cultivate, so I took the subvay home.”
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A rabbi walks into a bar
A Hassidic rabbi with a long beard, a black hat and a black coat walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks up and says, “That’s cool. Where did you get it?”
The parrot cocks his head and says, “In Brooklyn. There’s thousands of ’em there.”
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