Ham on why
Rabbi Gertzenberg and Father O’Shamus are good friends, and today they are having a chat in Father O’Shamus’ house. During their conversation, Father O’Shamus suddenly gets up from his chair and says, “Rabbi, I have made some lovely ham sandwiches especially for us. How many would you like?”
“I’m sorry, father,” replies the somewhat surprised rabbi, “but although your kind offer is very tempting, you must know that we Jews don’t eat pork of any kind. It’s not kosher.”
“I know that, rabbi,” says Father O’Shamus, “but I was hoping to persuade you. I wouldn’t tell anyone and so no one would know.”
“Thank you for your kind offer, father,” says Rabbi Gertzenberg, “but, really, I won’t be able to accept it.”
But Father O’Shamus is very persistent. “Oh please, rabbi. C’mon. Please accept my offer.”
“All right. OK. You win,” says the rabbi, smiling. “I’ll have a ham sandwich — but only at your wedding!”
© david minkoff
Stomach pains
A man was complaining to his doctor about his stomach pains.
“How long have you had these pains?”
“Since Tisha B’Av.”
“What is Tisha B’Av?”
“Tisha B’Av is when the Temple was destroyed, about 2,000 years ago.”
“Well,” says the doctor, “if you have be having stomach problems that long, I don’t think that I can help you out.”
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Working stiff
Morris Green goes to a job interview. The boss says, “I’ll give you $10 an hour starting today, and in three months, I’ll raise it to $13 an hour. So when would you like to start?”
Morris replies, “About three months from now?”
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Out of the cold
For many years around 1890, the border between Poland and the Russian Empire was volatile.
Due to a political shift, Irv Rabinowitz, a tailor, found that his village was no longer Russian, but had become a Polish village.
Thrilled, he told his wife, “Thank God! No more of those freezing Russian winters!”
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Jewish proverb
One of life’s greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world.
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