The rabbi’s help

Benjamin goes to see Rabbi Levy. “Rabbi,” he says, “my life is in ruins. My Judith has left me and she’s taken our children and our dog with her. She has also taken all my money and my car and as a result my business is in ruins. Please help me, rabbi. I don’t know what to do.”

After a few minutes thinking about the problem, Rabbi Levy replies, “OK Benjamin, here is what you should do. Go home and open up your Bible to any page. Point randomly anywhere on that page and whatever it says, you must do. Do you understand?”

“Uh, sure, rabbi,” replies Benjamin, “I’ll try.”

So Benjamin goes home, takes his Bible from his bookcase, sits down with it, opens it to a random page, points and reads.

Six months later, Benjamin goes to see Rabbi Levy again. “Rabbi,” he says, “since I saw you last, I’ve become a new man. I’ve remarried and become very successful in my business. I’ve even got a new dog and called it Levy after you. So I want to thank you, rabbi, for the advice you gave me. It changed my life.”

“If you don’t mind me asking,” says Rabbi Levy, “I’ve got a bad memory. What did I suggest you do that helped you so much?”

“Well rabbi, you told me six months ago to open my Bible to any page, point, and to do what it says.”

“So what did it say?” asks Rabbi Levy.

“Chapter 11,” replies Benjamin.

© david minkoff

Pound wise

A woman goes to her butcher Feinberg and asks the price of lamb chops.

“$7.89 a pound,” Feinberg tells her.

“But Mr. Cohen across the street sells them for $6 a pound,” she protests.

“So go buy from Cohen,” says the butcher.

“He’s all out,” she explains.

“Oh,” says Feinberg. “When I’m out of lamb chops, they’re only $4 a pound.”n