The package

Moishe, 80, walks into a Long Island post office to send some items to his daughter in California. He’s packed them into a large manila envelope.

The postmaster says, ”This envelope is too heavy. You’ll need another stamp.”

Moishe replies, “And that should make it lighter?”

At the bar

A Jewish man walks into a bar and sits down. He has a few drinks, then he sees a Chinese man and punches him in the face.

“Ouch!” the Chinese man says. “What was that for?”

“That was for Pearl Harbor,” the Jewish man says.

“But I’m Chinese!”

“Chinese, Japanese …  what’s the difference?”

And the Jewish man sits back down.

Then the Chinese man walks up to the Jewish man and punches him in the face.

“Ouch!” the Jewish man says. “What was that for?”

“That was for the Titanic,” the Chinese man says.

“But that was an iceberg!”

“Iceberg, Goldberg … what’s the difference?”

Gettin’ piggy with it

A rabbi who’s been leading a congregation for many years is upset by the fact that he’s never been able to eat pork. So he devises a plan whereby he flies to a remote island in the South Pacific and checks into a hotel. He immediately gets himself a table at the finest restaurant and orders the most expensive pork dish on the menu.

As he’s eagerly waiting for it to be served, he hears his name called from across the restaurant. He looks up to see 10 of his loyal congregants approaching. Just his luck! They’d chosen the same time to visit the same remote island.

Just at that moment, the waiter comes out with a huge silver tray carrying a whole roasted pig with an apple in its mouth.

The Rabbi looks up sheepishly at his congregants and says, “Wow — you order an apple in this place and look how it’s served!”