If not now, when?

Rivka Baumgarten tottered into a lawyer’s office.

“I want a divorce.”

“A divorce?” asked the shocked lawyer.

“You heard me, sonny! A divorce.”

“Mrs. Baumgarten … how old are you?”

“Ninety.”

“And your husband?”

“Irving? Ninety-two next month.”

“Well … how long have you been married?” he asked in disbelief.

“Next week, 70 years.”

“Seventy years?! Why a divorce now?”

“Sonny,” Rivka said, “enough is enough.”

 

Matzah script

 

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A rabbi sits down next to him. The rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzah.

Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man.

A few seconds later, the blind man taps the rabbi on the shoulder and asks, “Who wrote this?”

 

Jewish convert

 

Pincus was a very religious man, but after nearly 60 years of strict observance of Jewish law, he was fed up. “Esther,” he told his wife, “I’ve had it! No more getting up early every morning, putting on my tefillin and reciting the same prayers. I’m converting to Catholicism.”

“Are you crazy?” Esther asked, but Pincus was determined. He went to a local church, discussed his intentions with the priest, began taking instruction and was baptized into the Catholic faith. The next morning, as always, he got up early, and without thinking, put on his tefillin and automatically started to recite his morning prayers.

“What are you doing?” asked Esther. “I thought the whole point of becoming Catholic was so you wouldn’t have to do that any more.”

“Oy!” cried Pincus, smacking himself in the forehead. “Goyishe kop!”