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Bernie, an old Jewish man who has spent many years in the clothing business, is retiring. His friends ask him, “What are you gonna do after you retire?”

He says, “I think I’ll go down and join the New York Athletic Club.”

They say, “Bernie, what, are you crazy? They’ll never let a Jew in there!”

“Well,” Bernie says, “I have my ways. I think I can get in.”

Sure enough, after Bernie retires, he puts on a blue blazer with gold buttons, a pinstripe shirt, red silk tie, khaki Docker’s and boat shoes and goes down to the club to interview.

He gets taken into a sumptuous room and a well-dressed, elegant man comes out to interview him. The man sits down opposite Bernie and says, “Your name, sir?”

Bernie says, “Ah, yes. It’s Bernie Throckmorton the third.” The interviewer writes it down.

“And what line of work are you in, sir?”

Bernie says, “Well, yes, I am retired now, but for many years I had a small boutique advertising agency on Park Avenue.” The interviewer writes this down.

“Are you married, sir? Any children?”

“Yes, my wife, Mary, does quite a bit of work for the Junior League. We have two children, Buffy and Chip. They will be matriculating this year at Harvard and Yale, respectively.”

The interviewer says, “I see, sir. And your religion?”

“Ah yes. We are goyim.”

Contributed by Andrew P. Morgan

Eye chart

When Isadore Epstein from Poland applied for a New York driver’s license, he was asked to read the eye chart. The clerk pointed to the first line with the letters “P O W Z Y N S K E Y.”

“Now sir,” said the clerk. “Can you read this?”

“Read it?” replied Isadore. “The man used to be my next-door neighbor in Lodz!”

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