Longtime Berkeley resident Abigail Grafton was a devoted leader of the Aquarian Minyan, a community she joined close to its inception in 1974. She called her involvement with the Renewal congregation her spiritual awakening, and for the next 50 years it became a way of life.
Grafton died on March 15 in Oakland at the age of 83. She is survived by her wife, Shoshana Dembitz.
Grafton’s life was marked by a commitment to social justice, spiritual exploration and community building and she valued autonomy and authenticity. Her impact extended beyond Aquarian Minyan, as she forged deep connections within the Bay Area’s Jewish community. She was known for her warmth and inclusive spirit and drew in a diverse array of individuals, fostering an environment where creativity and spirituality could thrive.
She was born in New York City on Oct. 2, 1940, and lived on the Upper West Side as a child. Her father, Samuel Grafton, was a successful liberal journalist who wrote the syndicated column “I’d Rather Be Right.” She was raised in a mostly secular family and moved to Connecticut when she was 7.
Grafton was drawn to activism from a young age, participating regularly in the civil rights and anti-war movements. After a year at Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania, she dropped out to live in an anarchist collective on the Lower East Side.
In 1970, she moved to the Bay Area, completed her education and earned a master’s degree at Sonoma State University. She started her own psychotherapy practice and founded the Sonoma Psychotherapy Training Institute, which offers post-graduate education in the diagnosis and treatment of survivors of trauma and neglect.
The Aquarian Minyan was established by Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi, a founder of the Jewish Renewal movement, and grew out of a Kabbalistic retreat he had led in Berkeley.
“The Aquarian Minyan has been a huge influence on me and vice-versa,” Grafton told J. in 2016. “Its motto is about finding the rebbe in each of us, and it allows you to find your own creativity and your own spiritual voice and contribute that to the community.”
Over the years, she served in various leadership roles, leaving an indelible mark on Aquarian Minyan’s governance and spiritual fabric, according to those who knew her. She was the congregation’s president, or shomeret (Hebrew for “guardian”), had input on the governing board, and managed a twice-monthly e-newsletter, website, long-term planning and budget. Grafton also led services, sometimes with her wife. For the two of them, serving the Aquarian Minyan was a family affair, and they both poured their hearts into nurturing the community they cherished.
“The Aquarian Minyan is our baby that we have nurtured together,” Dembitz told J. in 2016.
In the last year of her life Grafton joined Congregation Ner Shalom in Cotati. A funeral was held on March 20 and Grafton was buried in the Ner Shalom Progressive Cemetery in Sebastopol. In Grafton’s memory, donations can be made to the Aquarian Minyan, the community she helped shape.