Jewish landing
As the plane settled down at Ben Gurion Airport, the voice of the captain came on the loudspeaker:
“Please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened until this plane is at a complete standstill and the seatbelt signs have been turned off.
“To those of you standing in the aisles, we wish you a Happy Hanukkah.”
“To those who have remained in their seats, we wish you a Merry Christmas.”
Knock knock
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Honey.
Honey who?
Honey-kah is my favorite holiday!
High-tech dreidel manual
You are now the proud owner of a high-quality, state of the art “Dreidel,” which can make you a winner! A multi-faceted, interactive educational and entertainment micro-system, the versatile Dreidel utilizes maximum kinetic transfer technology, putting years of wondrous experience at your fingertips.
Rapidly rotating on its axis, the Dreidel is driven by centrifugal forces that defy gravitational pull. The Dreidel operates efficiently on renewable energy sources at high, medium and low speeds. Velocity and RPM levels are adjusted by the flick of a finger. Perfectly balanced and precision engineered, the Dreidel is virtually maintenance-free. It has no moving parts, and no batteries or upgrades are required.
TO USE: Hold joystick-like handle in upright position, using thumb and forefinger to accelerate. Best when operated on smooth surfaces with low coefficient of friction. Device may appear stationary, but sound indicates Dreidel is in use.
After completing its spinning mode, the Dreidel reaches its turning point and begins to gyrate, displaying various conic sections as it decelerates. Dreidel will then shut down automatically. Quick turnaround time allows Dreidel to be used repeatedly. Follow instruction code indicated above and restart.
WARNING: Playing with children under the age of 8 may cause loss of money!
Unraveling
My mother once gave me two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time we visited, I made sure to wear one.
As we entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, “Aaron, what’s the matter? You didn’t like the other one?”