Oliver Maund:
I’d never before been able to attend the annual intergenerational dinner at Congregation Sha’ar Zahav in San Francisco. I imagined about seven or eight teenagers and about five adults sitting at one large table and having friendly conversation. I was surprised to see the large, diverse group of people attend the Feb. 6 event, hosted by the JCCSF LGBTQ teen group The Q, and Keshet. It was an incredible experience and one I genuinely feel blessed to have attended.
As I listened to the adult guests speak and other teens ask questions, one emotion I felt was relief. One of the main phrases LGBTQ youth hear from unaccepting people is that their identities are phases and that they’ll grow out of it. Seeing gay, bisexual and trans adults over the age of 25 or 30 was very refreshing. It helps prove that the identities of me and my peers are valid.
We asked the adults what advice they would give to LGBTQ or questioning youth. Every one of their answers has so uplifting and inspiring, encouraging the audience to be themselves and be genuine to who they truly are. It was amazing to see fellow teens absorb this message and leave with smiles on their faces.
Joining The Q three years ago was one of the defining moments in my experience as a youth member of the LGBTQ community. Before joining, I was very confused and didn’t feel that I had a support system. I thought that I would never meet people like myself or have a group of people who fully understood me. The feeling of inclusion and safety I felt joining The Q was incredible and like nothing I’d ever experienced before.
I also enjoy how inclusive the The Q is because I am not Jewish, and you don’t have to be Jewish to join. I heard about The Q through a friend who told me it’s a cool space for LGBTQ teens. I always feel comfortable at every event and always learn something about Judaism.
Today, I’m one of the student leaders of The Q and look forward every month to new activities and meeting new LGBTQ teens.
Oliver Maund is a senior at Drew High School. He is the co-president of his Gay-Straight Alliance and loves to do theater and performance.
Jake Cohen:
I came out when I was 11 years old. Now, two years later, I guess you could say that I have come into my own as a part of the LGBTQ community. I’m not saying that the past two years have been easy — or that I’ve had a great struggle — but the fact is that it’s very difficult to be a gay middle-schooler in a hetero-normative community.
Although I grew up with many LGBTQ role models to look up to, no one bothered to tell me what it would be like after coming out. The truth was that it was lonely. Despite the fact that I helped found the Gay-Straight Alliance at my middle school, I still faced many challenges. I was known to some as “Jake the gay kid.” What I really needed was a community of people like me that I could feel safe with.
I originally heard about The Q at the JCCSF through my rabbi, Michael Lezak, and began emailing back and forth with the teen program coordinator of The Q, Randi Reed. She told me about several upcoming events I could attend, and spoke with me about a variety of opportunities for LGBTQ teens. I immediately had this indescribable feeling wash over me. I finally felt free. An amazing bonus of The Q was that it was semi-centered on Judaism, which is already a huge part of my life.
I think that the main reason I joined The Q was because I am tired of hiding. After I came out — first to my family, then to friends at Camp Newman, then to the kids at my school — I felt that I had to always change the level of gay I was, depending on who I was with. Whether it was with certain relatives or the guys in my grade, I had to change to fit the setting.
It was exactly the opposite with The Q. It almost felt like everyone there could celebrate their own level of uniqueness without having to change it for other people. Crazy, right? After the first teen-centered event I went to, an event for student leaders who are involved with gay-straight alliances, I was relieved to see that other students like me had started organizations at their schools.
I also attended the intergenerational dinner at Congregation Sha’ar Zahav earlier this month. Going in, I had no idea what fabulous and meaningful advice and stories would be shared, how adults in the LGBTQ community would want to listen to my experiences and stories, and how I would learn so much by listening to others.
I had attended this event to build my queer community. I accomplished that goal, but I also left with one very important lesson that I will forever remember: I am not alone.
Jake Cohen is in 7th grade at Marin Country Day School, where he is the president and founder of the Gay-Straight Alliance. He also loves to sing and perform.