I am a member of a Conservative synagogue that I love. We recently, as a movement, chose to welcome non-Jewish spouses as members of our synagogues. I worked hard for this and I believe it is the right thing to do. But I read an article in the Jewish press titled “Conservatives Welcome Non-Jews — But Will They Be Second-Class Citizens In Synagogue?” I am so sick of people finding fault with Conservative Judaism. No pat on the back, just a stab! Why do other Jews feel they have the truth with a capital “T” and everyone else is wrong? — Proud Conservative Jew
Dear Proud: Please allow me to congratulate you, your shul and your movement for making a thoughtful and considered decision. I have the honor of working with Conservative rabbis and synagogues, and I am well aware of how caring and loving you all are.
Sadly, you are correct: There are Jews who believe that they have the one and only way to do Jewish Right — with a capital “R.” Perhaps it is the part of the country in which I live and the fact that the Jewish population is dominated by non-traditional Jews, but I find that it is the majority, the so-called liberal Jews, who have the hardest time accepting that others are doing Jewish differently.
An Orthodox friend of mine made aliyah a few years ago and calls to speak with me frequently. He said, “When I lived in Oakland I met with all the diversity of the Jewish community. But here in Jerusalem, in my Orthodox community, we are very similar. I like to talk to you to be sure I’m staying in touch with how other Jews are thinking.”
That’s not something I’ve heard from any liberal-minded Jews. I hope that after writing this column, I will.
I believe a huge problem is that the less observant Jews are, the more vulnerable they are to being made to feel inauthentic by a more knowledgeable Jew. We are forever referring to people as “very Jewish,” “not that Jewish” or “barely Jewish.” Why do we need to do this? What is typically being referred to is the extent to which the person practices Judaism.
We are forever referring to people as ‘very Jewish,’ ‘not that Jewish’ or ‘barely Jewish.’ Why do we need to do this?
If I don’t do anything about being Jewish other than say, “I’m Jewish,” then when someone criticizes me, I feel stung. If, on the other hand, I practice my Judaism daily, someone else’s opinion is simply their opinion. Does the Modern Orthodox rabbi in Oakland feel inauthentic because his practice of kashrut differs from the Modern Orthodox rabbi in San Francisco? No, each knows on which halachic rulings they base their practice. Each can say, “What’s right for him doesn’t work for me. But for him, it’s fine.”
I rarely see Reform and even Conservative Jews who are willing to say, “I drive on Shabbat, but for my Orthodox friend, it is correct to walk.”
Please continue to be proud of the kind of Judaism you practice. When you see a headline like the one you cited, put the article aside; it is unlikely to be helpful to you. Please also be vocal about your acceptance of the choices that others make. If someone questions your choice, explain why you don’t eat pork or why you don’t carry money on Shabbat. It may help the other person open up and accept a new concept.
I am a Reform-affiliated observant Jew. My practices are not totally aligned with Reform policy. In many ways I am more observant than my fellow congregants. However, I do not try to change them, nor do I allow them to change me. So, Proud Conservative Jew, please join me in being a conduit among Jewish sects. Let’s point out the good in each movement to members of other movements.
We often hear the question, “Is it good for the Jews?” Infighting and criticism is not good for anyone, particularly small communities like ours.
Finally, I, too, saw that article and it made my heart sink. I suspect that to some extent it was an effort to write a catchy headline. Giving out good news isn’t as intriguing as spicing the story up with a potential problem. The news outlets get away with it because we all feed into it. Too bad the readers of that article didn’t write to the paper/website, saying: “Something good just happened, why can’t you focus on that?”
Like Dawn, I am a Reform-affiliated Jew. When I was growing up, our family practice was more or less Conservative. As an adult, I joined my local synagogue, which was Reform affiliated, but with many members from Conservative and even Orthodox backgrounds. I am intermarried, and as I learned more, I made a conscious decision to remain Reform because our Jewish family would be members, not simply me alone. Yet, within my family, there are ba’a lot teshuvah. I am also a sociologist of American Judaism and, as part of my work, must be familiar with different modes of practice. I have seen insults and rejection across the Jewish spectrum and I have seen respect for other practices across the spectrum. In my research observations, one Orthodox rabbi explained that he sees a broader range of practice (up to and including non-Jews) than do Reform rabbis. However…another Orthodox rabbi made a much less welcoming statement.
Rather than focus on which denomination is more tolerant, I would propose that we think about intentional versus non-intentional Judaism. Intentional Judaism simply means leaving knee-jerk responses behind. When I—an intermarried Jew—speak to my Orthodox cousin, we have a common set of values: Judaism, Jews, and Jewish practice matter. We both think carefully about the Jewish choices we make, although we have ended up in different places.
That also means seeing the face of God in each person (Jew, in this case, but obviously the concept applies more broadly). The Orthodox rabbi had an exemplary approach: within the shul, Orthodox rules applied absolutely; it was a sacred space according to those rules. However, the people who entered were taken as they were and welcomed without judgment. It is an approach I strive to emulate.
Regarding the letter-writer’s anger at the Forward article—it was not a particularly well written or researched article and doesn’t reflect the thought process that any synagogue, whether Reform, Conservative, or Orthodox, puts into the boundaries between Jews and non-Jews. I’ve written on that topic specifically in Journal of Jewish Identities, 8:1 (Jan 2015).
Thanks, Trish. I very much appreciate your comments!
Lashon hara brought down the Second Temple and it continues today. United we stand; divided we fall, and this constant infighting only serves those who seek our destruction.
it does not matter to me, how jewish, christian, or islamic one claims to be. what only truly matters to me, is just how true you are to ELOHEEM (english transliteration) you all are here in THEIR Giving This Story of The Physical Creation again.
since this is not, my first round trip here in TheTorah Physical Happening. only to discover again there is nobody here in TheTorah for this end of the sixth day again.
how can The Male Child adam, give physical birth to you all. when there is no woman mentally here in TheTorah to give physical birth to you all again. The Male Child adam, can’t possibly give birth to this world again without his insister. after Adam is put to death, and always returned as brother and sister. because The Written Torah given to Moshe says so from ELOHEEM here in IT.
yeah! what, could possibly go wrong with more than 7billion nobodies here in TheTorah again at this end of the sixth day? at this rate we’ll never make it, to physical Gan Eden. even though it tells you, in The Written Torah. that The Male Child adam and his sister, are always placed in charge for the soon to be Seventh Day here in always TheTorah from ELOHEEM.
it is mentally unhealthy to try and prove someone, is not true to you.
it is mentally healthy, to try and prove they are true or not true to ELOHEEM.