Are you a kid with a bar or bat mitzvah that’s fast approaching? If so, here’s an article that your mom may force you to read. Hopefully, it’s got a few ideas for making your big day run smoothly and enjoyably for your guests — and you.
First off, let’s talk about your speech. Whether it’s a Torah commentary or the speech about how much you appreciate the guidance from your rabbi, cantor, Hebrew teacher or tutor, there are certain things you are almost guaranteed to do wrong.
It’s a rare teenager who can stand at the podium and give a speech without reading it straight from the paper. The problem with that is that you are looking down and have no eye contact with your guests. And you are sure to be talking way too fast, and too quietly.
This is why your relatives flew in from Florida. They want to hear you speak. What golden words will fall from the lips of their favorite grandchild, nephew, etc., etc.? Your words, and the nice things the rabbi has to say about you and your family, are the highlights of the service for them. You might as well do it so they can hear it.
What about your friends? Knowing they’re sitting out there may prompt you to read in a fast monotone to get it over with. But think for a minute. When you go to your friends’ bar and bat mitzvahs, wouldn’t you like to hear what it is they are saying? Here are some suggestions to help you get through those five minutes:
*Practice reading your speech and/or d’var Torah in front of a mirror. If you are looking at the paper more than you are looking at yourself, no one can hear you.
*Don’t write out whole sentences. Write phrases, to remind you of the points you want to make, and then look at your audience when you make them.
*Don’t look at your mom or your best friend sitting in the congregation. Your mom will be all teary-eyed, which will embarrass you. Or, even worse, she’ll be mouthing instructions to you. (“Slow down, louder, enunciate.”)
Your best friend may make you laugh, or feel more self-conscious. Instead, try to focus on people who you don’t know, and choose one from each of several areas — one on the right, one on the left, and one in the center…preferably in the back.
*Look at your notes briefly, and keep a finger on the last line you look at, then look up at one of your assigned spots. Finish that thought and look back down at where your finger is holding your next clue.
Your speech will seem more natural, people will pay attention because you are actually looking into the audience, and it will be over before you know it. The same kind of practice rules hold for your candlelighting ceremony.
If you are reading it yourself, make sure you practice so that you know the pronunciation of every word, especially unfamiliar names. And, if your candle speeches are rhymed, you want to make sure you get the meter right.
*It’s very tempting, once you are out there having a good time with your friends at the party, to take off you jacket or toss off your shoes and get down and dirty with your friends. But before you throw a personalized T-shirt over your dress clothes, make sure the formal photographs are over. If they are, have a good time. Who cares if your shirt is hanging out?
*Uh oh, look out. People are looking for you because it’s time to say goodbye. You don’t know their names, and some of them have those envelopes that you’re uncertain what to do with.
Don’t worry. If you’re not sure who people are, just thank them for coming and thank them for the gift if they are handing you one. When they ask “Do you remember me?” you can honestly answer: “There are so many people here tonight that I haven’t seen since I was little, I’m mixing everyone up.”
Remember, the only reason some of them know who you are, is because you were the one up on the bimah.
As for the envelopes, just keep them in your hand and, as soon as you are free, find your mom or dad and hand them over.
When the party’s over, it’s time to gather up the party favors and go home. It’s time to get on with the rest of your life. Well, almost. First, write out your thank-you notes.