Abe Tabis rattles off the b’nai mitzvah dates of friends and family as if they were old hat.
“Jesse in February 2000. Emily in September 2000. Adam in March 1998…”
Abe, 12, attended them all.
But when he decided to celebrate his own bar mitzvah, his mother, Connie Tabis, was a bit surprised. She never expected Abe, who has a form of autism called pervasive development disorder, to mark his bar mitzvah at the age of 13.
She and husband, Eric, a mohel, “weren’t pushing for the bar mitzvah,” she said, “but he expressed interest, so we thought he should do it.” The ceremony is scheduled to take place in May.
By attending b’nai mitzvah, Friday night services at Reform Congregation Sherith Israel and monthly religious-school classes for kids with developmental disabilities, Abe has grasped more about Judaism than Connie thought he would.
“He’s always been learning about Judaism, on some level,” she said, “but he takes in a lot more than he lets on.”
The religious-school classes, offered by the Bureau of Jewish Education in San Francisco, have been especially significant for Abe.
Although his thirst for knowledge and motivation to learn is “huge,” said his mother, without the BJE classes Abe would not be able to attend religious school. Though he does attend mainstream sixth-grade classes at public school, regular religious-school classes are just too rigorous for those with significant learning disabilities, she explained.
“They need a very multisensory education,” said Lynne Young, developmental disabilities coordinator for the BJE program, which recently celebrated its first anniversary. “That’s why we don’t just lecture. We do activities that they can get involved in.”
On Chanukah, for example, rather than lecturing on abstract concepts like the existence of God or miracles, Young brought in a menorah “to touch and feel.” Also, the students made candles “so they could feel the sheets of wax,” she said. Abe especially enjoyed making a green paper tree for Tu B’Shevat, the New Year of the Trees, which begins Wednesday at sundown.
Underwritten by the Kohn Fund of the Jewish Community Endowment Fund, the 3-year-old program, officially called the Social Program for Jewish Children with Developmental Disabilities and their Families, is offered at San Francisco’s Sherith Israel and at Congregation Beth Am in Los Altos Hills. Students do not have to be members at either congregation and may enroll in the class at any time by contacting the BJE.
The students, three in San Francisco and two in Los Altos, attend music and tefillah (prayer) sessions with others in the Hebrew schools and spend the rest of their time with Young.
“The class is shorter and less structured,” said Young, a graduate student at San Francisco State University, where she is working on a thesis and teaching credential in special education; she is also working on a graduate certificate in Jewish studies. “They don’t have to sit in desks the whole time; they can walk around the room.”
Young understands the need to provide special religious education to kids with disabilities. Her own son, Justin, has a developmental disability.
“Some people don’t understand the point, but every child who is Jewish has the right to Jewish education,” she said. “We have a mitzvah commandment to teach children, no matter what level they are.”
Connie Tabis agreed.
“The more you expose them to the opportunity to learn, the greater the chance they’ll have,” she said. “Nobody should sell their future short.”
Overall, “I think he gets a lot out of it,” she said, adding that the music, the lighting and the stained glass at the synagogue seem to have “a calming effect” on Abe. The low-pressure, fun format of the class has been beneficial, she said.
In fact, Abe has already memorized the Shabbat prayers, the Sh’ma and some of his bar mitzvah material.
“We’re doing the full-blown deal with a photographer, a caterer, a party — everything,” said his mom. “We’ll have to shorten the service and cut out all that’s not essential, but we’re all of the mindset that whatever Abe does is OK. He’s already come a long way.”